Biting the Bullet

With the beginning of a new year comes many resolutions, but honestly, I am not someone who makes them because I know that I won't keep them. I am just not that disciplined, which is really one of my negative traits. I have always struggled with discipline in my life... when it comes to exercising, eating right, spending money, lifestyle choices, etc. For some reason, I just always take the path of "I deserve it, so..." Well this year I decided that if I can't discipline myself, how am I ever going to discipline my children? I want to be a positive role model to June on how to live healthy and at peace with yourself and the decisions you make. So this year, I didn't make a resolution to start working out and losing weight. Instead, I just did it.

Two weeks ago, Jason and I started eating better and last Monday, I walked myself into a gym, asked for their pricing, got a tour and made the decision that it was now or never. It was time to get rid of the baby weight and start truly being healthy for the first time in my life. My sister, Jenni is getting married in July and my other sister, Jacqui and I are the Maids of Honor. With this role comes the responsibility of planning an over-the-top Bachelorette Party. We are off to Palm Springs for 4 days in June, which means its will be scorching. I honestly can not imagine walking around in a bathing suit right now, so I decided that I would get my butt in gear finally and make the jump.

Growing up, I was always very slender, could eat anything I wanted without it showing up on my figure, etc. I grew up in a family of "athletes" but I was the drama queen of the bunch, literally. My mom is an avid runner and hiker. My sister, Jenni, grew up playing soccer and tennis, and running cross country, and she continues to be dedicated to working out and running. My brother, Jimmy, played pretty much every sport you can imagine, including wrestling, football and track, and now he is into jiu jitso and surfing. My sister, Jacqui, is an extremely talented dancer, who loves yoga, even Bikram! And my Dad played football, baseball and basketball, and he now golfs religiously. But I sang my heart out, danced a little and acted my way through life. Working out is completely foreign to me. Honestly, I didn't even know how to turn on a treadmill until this week and today, as I was driving home from the gym, I told Jason that I thought I worked out on the eliptical but that I wasn't sure what the machine was actually called.

I walked into a step class on Monday, felt like I was totally uncoordinated but got through it; went to spin on Tuesday with my friend Jaimie, and thank God she was there. First off, I would have never known how to adjust the bike and also because I wouldn't have had anyone to complain to that my crotch was killing me! I mean, honestly, what the heck?! I am still in pain but I went again to spin last night (with a gel cushion) and I have yet to fall off the bike as I have feared, and I ran/walked on the treadmill on Wednesday and today. Oh and I even experimented with what I think was the eliptical. So I have made it through a whole week and I am still standing, well barely and walking down stairs really hurts, so I guess I should say instead, that I made it through a whole week and I am still alive.

The other aspect of my life that has made my healthy changes challenging is the fact that I love to cook- Paula Deen style cook, "just add some more butta, " and I LOVE LOVE LOVE to eat. Eating healthy is really just not fun to me. And I know, I know, you can still make great meals in a healthy way, but honestly, I am not into the whole "substitute the sugar with splenda" and "use greek yogurt instead of sour cream" recipes. Come on people, it definitely tastes differently! So eating has been an adjustment and really a sacrifice these past 2 weeks as well.

During the spin classes, I have been staring at the clock, hoping the hour would go by faster, but I have also been trying to focus on something to get me through it, to push me to add a little more resistance to the bike, to stay in 3rd position a little longer doing the "jumps". At first, I tried thinking of myself in a cute black bikini that I saw and wanted, but that didn't hold my focus, so then I tried thinking about how Jason would eventually think I was his sexy trophy wife, and that didn't hold it either, so then I thought about June. Since she was in the next room over (in the nursery), it wasn't hard, but I thought about how she would be proud of me, how she would grow up in a healthy home and how just this little bit of working out could really affect her life and her lifestyle choices. And that did it. So what's an hour on a bike with my crotch on fire, thighs burning, sweat dripping down my bright red face when I know that it is going to make a lifetime of a difference in my life and in my daughter's? Its a painful hour but I am really starting to understand that it is well worth it.

I was talking to my mom before I made that first big step into the gym on Sunday, and she said, "the hardest part is walking through those doors." It was really hard and actually its been hard all week and its going to continue to be hard, but I am determined to keep it up. I'm doing it for me and I'm doing it for June. What better reasons are there to keep me going?

June is officially 4 months and 1 week old. Time is flying but but we are having so much fun. Last Thursday at her doctor's visit she weighed 13lbs, 12 oz and was 24.5 in long.
Its so crazy to see who she is really becoming. She is a major rollie pollie, gives HUGE smiles when you walk into a room and she sees you, and she and Daphne (our golden retriever) have finally figured out that one another exist and June just smiles when she sees her.

Well, until next time... have a wonderful weekend and don't make a resolution, just bite the bullet and do it! We can encourage eachother, I will, if you will...

Oh and if any of you are members at Mavericks-Ventura and want a gym buddy, let me know.

My Little Fighter

This will be a quick one.

As I was doing the dishes earlier and hurrying to clean as much as I could before June woke up from her nap, I started thinking about how just a year ago we found out that God was going to bless us with a baby. Actually it was January 3rd that we found out, but I can't believe that little over a year ago, I had no idea that our lives were going to change so drastically and wonderfully. For a week, Jason and I were so thrilled, nervous, anxious and excited for an amazing journey that we were embarking on. It seemed as if nothing could get us down. I went to my doctor's appointment, had some bloodwork done and was sent home with the happy news. A year ago today though, things started to get a little shaky. Many people don't know this, but just as soon as Jason and I found out that I was pregnant, we also found out that something might be wrong. I was at work and I started bleeding. I called the doctor and the nurse told me that I needed to have an ultrasound immediately. I was so scared. I had the ultrasound, terrified, and as we waited (a whole day!) to get the results, our home became less and less excited and more and more sad. We decided to tell our family members about what was happening, although, origially we were going to tell everyone about the pregnancy in a fun and creative way. The doctor called and said that they couldn't find a heartbeat. Jason was so awesome, as I cried, so worried, and then he cried too. It was a moment I will never forget. Both of us talked about how we hadn't known this baby or held it but somehow we loved it more than anything we could ever imagine. And how could God give us such an amazing gift and take it away so quickly? It was the worst week and a half of our lives. My mom told us to have faith and so we did. Faith was the only thing we could cling to at that point. We were told that we would have to have another ultrasound later that week and at that point decisions would be made. Our 1st anniversary was that weekend and we planned on going on vacation. It was going to be an interesting trip, and it was, as my morning sickness kicked in full force. We were both so anxious to hear the results of the tests and that held us back from enjoying our time together. Not to mention, Jason had been in a car accident in the middle of all this, so our lives were completely turned upside down.

Jason and I vowed to do whatever it took to give this baby a fighting chance. June, being as strong as she is, didn't give up her fight either. During the ultrasound, our technician (who was so awesome!), turned up the volume and said, "I don't know what that guy was talking about. There's the heartbeat!" We were soooo happy and relieved. The rest is history...

So today, as I think about just a year ago, I thank God for June, for her love, for the cuddles, for her cries, even for her spit-up. I just couldn't imagine life without her. But I also think about those babies that may not make it. The ones that God decides to take because he has a different purpose for them. Say a little prayer for them today and for their parents. I know I am.